Thursday

I don't have a favorite day of the week, but I definitely have a least-favorite.  That would be Thursday.  Hence the blog name (It is also a plug for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and anything else written by Douglas Adams.)  Thursdays and I go way back.  Growing up, Thursday was always the day I had piano lessons, or gym class or math tests.  Recently, Thursday is the day my husband chooses to attend night class (or the university schedules them - whatever).  I am always braced for a rough day on Thursday.

 This semester, Husband works from home on Thursdays during the day; which is awesome because sometimes I get to kiss him when he comes downstairs for lunch before he goes back to work on his thesis.  But he still has a night class.  Which means homework time, dinnertime and bedtime are all a solo act.  Last week was especially eventful.

 There were bruises and tears.  My oldest spent an hour sitting on his bed before he was willing to talk to me about fighting with his brother.  The length of time was his idea - he got involved in a book and wanted to finish it.  Then another hour not doing his homework at the kitchen table.  And the boys had a food fight at the dinner table.  A food fight, seriously!?! So they mopped the floor and cried some more.  The girls were a little sick and just wanted to be held, but not while I was holding the other one.  I told them I would turn out their light early, and that every minute they wasted was time they wouldn't be reading.  

"Good!" said my oldest.  "I finished my book anyway.  And besides Mom, the earlier WE go to bed the        earlier YOU have to go to bed."

Me: "That's the point."

Him: "Well. . . then.  I mean, the earlier we go to bed the LATER you have to go to bed."

The highlight of my evening was this note from my son, when he finally decided to practice his spelling words.  

Correct is one of his words.  I think the original plan was to make up a sentence about how mad he was at me for every word, but that took too long, so he finally quit and just wrote them.  He brought it to me while his younger brother was practicing reading, so we complimented him on his handwriting and let JJ practice reading it out loud.

It was crazy and hectic, but it actually turned out to be a great day.  It was one of those moments as a parent that I got to enjoy the fact that my kids' drama is not my drama.  I can laugh at them when they are being ridiculous.  Just because they are angry does not mean that I have to be angry back, and I wasn't.  

Growing up I was always surprised at parents when they wanted to be friends with their kids.  Parents who were actually hurt by their children saying things like "I hate you!"  All kids hate their parents sometimes.  And I felt sorry for my friends who felt like it was their job to make their parents happy.  One friend told me that his earliest memory was sitting on the couch next to his mom, trying to get her to stop crying.  That is way too heavy a burden to place on a child.  They shouldn't have to be the ones emotionally taking care of their parents.

I like that my kids can be open with me about their feelings without worrying about how I will react.  I'm not going to cry or scream or hurt anything.  It isn't their job to boost my self-esteem.  And they are free to be themselves too.  They know that I love them, and they know that nothing they ever do can change that.  My love for them is not conditional on anything they do.  It is something that exists inside ME.  They can't change it, ever.  And by their actions that night, I could tell that they believed that.

In our church we talk a lot about self-reliance.  Most people take this to mean food storage and saving money, but I think that emotional self-reliance is just as important, if not more so.  It is certainly harder.

So it was a good Thursday.  A self affirming, I-am-on-the-right-track Thursday.

But I won't be changing the name of my blog.