Yet another Etiquette Lesson

These are my daughters. If you've seen me out and about, this is my usual entourage. They are delightful and adorable, ages 5, 3, and 2. And they bring up yet another etiquette lesson that I know you have all been waiting for on the edges of your seats.

I've seen many people struggling to find the right words, so let me tell you here: There is NO polite way to ask me if my children all have the same father.

If you don't know me well enough to know that what you are implying is ridiculous, you don't know me well enough to ask about it in the first place.

 And I know you'e watched Jerry Springer and reality TV. But the fact that anyone thinks that I would have had time to start dating someone new with a toddler and a newborn vastly overestimates my abilities to shower regularly, let alone shave my legs and try to attract someone who doesn't get off on sleep deprivation and nursing bras.

Genetics is strange, I'll agree. But the baby looks a lot like me. So if you are looking at me with my brown hair and brown eyes, please don't ask me if my new boyfriend is Latino. Even if you are yourself, Latino. I know it is meant as a complement, but I don't know the appropriate response.

I have a handful of family and friends who have mixed-race families, and my stories of rude people are nothing in comparison to theirs. So as a public service I would like to remind us all: a stranger's sex life is none of your business, no matter how curious you are.

*  *   *

My seven-year-old was reading this post over my shoulder while he was supposed to be doing his math homework.

"Mom, what does that mean, "There is no polite way to ask me if my children all have the same father"?

"Well, it means that some people have looked at your sisters and because they don't look alike thought I must have had sex with someone besides your father, which is ridiculous, and very rude to ask about in the grocery store."

"Really? Well..... what about me?"

"You? You are my kid! And we're at home. You can ask me anything you want."

"Anything?" And he gets this little smirk on his face.

"Yes. Anything."

"Ok." And then he walked away.

He is the type of kid who needs to process things for a while, but I'm sure it is still there in the back of his mind. So if this post does nothing else, it opened a door for a future conversation. Totally worth it.