Baby hungry

In which you realize that I am actually crazy and you have nothing in common with me.

You know how sometimes you can listen to a person talking and know all the words they are using and still have no idea what they are talking about?  That is the way I feel about the phrase "baby hungry." I understand what someone means when they say that they are going through a phase where they really want to have a baby and they would love to hold a baby, but I can't say that I personally know the feeling.


I mean the part about it being a phase.  Or the idea that wanting a baby makes it a good time to have one.

See, I LOVE babies.  Misshapen heads, pimply skin, weird red marks on their eyes, can't do anything but cry, newborns.  This isn't normal.  I've only ever met one other mom who feels the way I do.  Of course, other moms love their children, but most everyone that I've talked to takes three to six months before they actually enjoy their babies.   I wish we talked about this more as mothers, but it seems a little taboo.  There is a great article here that sums up how most people that I've talked to feel.

I think part of this comes from the fact that (around here) fewer people are having babies, and people are just exposed to them less.  So they are not exactly prepared with what to expect.  Movies and TV aren't a good substitute, since you can't actually put a week-old baby on camera for long enough to shoot a scene, let alone an entire sitcom.So sometimes mothers are surprised that their newborn is actually kind of freaky-looking and requires more maintenance than anything they've ever imagined.  (You should pause here and read this post from Rants From Mommyland where they very accurately call newborns "grimacing plucked chickens")

 Me, well. . . I'm special.  I've always had a thing for babies (this does not apply to baby animals of any kind).  One of my earliest memories is repeatedly running to my mom because my baby doll wasn't staying wrapped in her blanket right.  I was too small to do it myself, but I knew there was a right way to wrap a baby.   I was two.

When I was expecting our first I read in one of my books that you should get the nurses to teach you how to swaddle the baby before you leave the hospital - since they are experts, and babies like it so much. I was expecting to find some new trick, and then realized that they were just wrapping the baby the "right" way.

 I can't think of a day in my life, including high school, the day I was married, or the day I delivered any of my children that I would have declined if you had offered to give me a baby.  I am logical enough to know that there have been times when I shouldn't have a baby, and many other people waiting for a baby that could provide a better home than I could; but if you had insisted - yes, in a heartbeat, I would take care of a baby.

The thing is, there is a huge, HUGE difference between a baby at six days and six weeks and six months, but we call them all "babies." There is nothing wrong with liking one stage more than another, and really hating some stages.  Having a newborn feels like being directly deposited into your own personal hell sometimes - even for me, and I like newborns.

We've romanticized the "mother-child" bond so much that a lot of moms feel that they'be failed if they don't spend the first few minutes of their child's life staring with wonder into her eyes and forming a magical connection that will carry through her entire life.  I've been through it four times and I've only felt that way once, and it wasn't with the first.  It doesn't make me a bad mom.  It doesn't mean that I love that child any more than the others.  It means that I was emotionally ready for it at that moment that one time.  There isn't one moment to bond with your child that defines your entire relationship.  A relationship is built on millions of those moments - spread over a lifetime.  If you don't get them in the first six months, don't worry.  They will come.  I'm looking forward to many more of those moments.  Maybe when he turns 50 and I'm 70-something our eyes will connect through two pair of thick bi-focal lenses, and we'll just know, we were meant to be a family.




Which brings us to one of the strangest videos I've ever seen.  This is a robot baby, meant to be used in film making, since it is so difficult to use a real baby.



Normal people are just creeped out.  My first thought was "Somebody needs to pick that baby up.  He's crying!  Where is his robot mommy?" and I started to cry.

See? Crazy person.

'Male baby hunger is not as great as women's – few have to make such a stark choice between reproduction and professional success. Baby peckishness, perhaps.'  THE OBSERVER 28TH APRIL 2002