Complimenting my children (round 2)

Since the last etiquette post, I've heard of quite a few more things you should not say to someone when complimenting their children. (Not all of these are mine, but they deserve repeating) So I'll just add to the list: (for round one, click here)

5 - She isn't for sale. Freak. How is it possible that you think this is an acceptable thing to joke about? "Gee, you know what is really funny? Child-trafficking. haha"

6- You know what else isn't funny? Any kind of reference to pedophilia. EVER. Seriously, dude, I'm about to call the cops.

7 - Again with the swearing. How is it that our society has degenerated to such a point that people don't even realize that the words they are using are offensive? (My friend totally called them on this one - I'm very proud of her.)

8 - I know my kid is cute and has one particularly noticeable feature. Could you please compliment something she has control over? Tell her she has a nice smile, or that she is good at helping mommy with the new baby. . . .she isn't color blind. She KNOWS what color her hair is. But you know what? She would be cute with or without it. Help me out here. Heaven knows she isn't going to get good messages on her self-worth out of magazines.

9 - I'M the mom. Me. Right here. The one with the boobstain. There is no rule that children have to look anything like their parents, biological or otherwise. Oh, you just thought I looked too young to have this many kids these ages? Yes, lady. I am a sixteen-year-old hooker who can't figure out how to use a condom. You are digging yourself into a deeper hole here, just stop.

10 - How hard is it to count to four? Must you point and mouth "one. . . two. . . "? Didn't your mother ever tell you it is rude to point?

11- My baby is going through an EXTREMELY clingy phase right now. Yes, this "phase" has lasted her whole life. That isn't the point. The point is, she isn't going to come to you. Not now, probably not ever. Especially if you insist on being loud and getting in her face. Also that line: "What's the matter? It isn't like I'm going to KILL you!" While staring into my baby's eyes? I wouldn't hand her to you now even if she wanted you. No wonder she is screaming.

Did I miss any? Do you have any more awesome stories about people and their misguided attempts to be nice? I'd love to hear them.

In the morning

About to walk out the door. . . .

Mommy with as many hair bows as possible....

So glad he really doesn't understand

Service and sacrifice for others is a concept I feel very strongly about teaching my children. But it is also complicated, and I'm kind of at a loss about how to do it. I want them to realize how lucky they are.

So I was really excited when our church announced a big project they are doing next month. We will be collecting items and assembling welcome kits for battered women and children's shelters in the area.

Details here: http://wellsserves.blogspot.com/ Anyone is invited. COME HELP!

Especially needed are comfort items for the kids who have usually had to leave all their possessions behind. I was thinking the kids could help me put some quilts together and gather toys and games.

Especially if the quilts are made out of adorable fabric like this,

they will really brighten someone's day AND be a little hard for my kids to give up.

Of course, this means I have to explain to them why there are children in shelters who need our help.

First let me say this:

Dearest Husband, Thank you for being the best man I have ever known. Thank you for being so kind and gentle that my children have no concept of being afraid in their own home. That when they think of a bad guy, the only thing they can picture are cartoon characters. I love you more than words can say.

This afternoon I had the following conversation with my five-year-old.

Me: "Their homes weren't safe. So they had to go away with their mommies really fast."

Him: "Why weren't they safe?"

Me: "Sometimes there are bad people who want to hurt other people. They had to get away."

Him: "So they are hiding?"

Me: "Yes."

Him: "But when the bad guys leave they can go home."

Me: "No. The bad guys are people they know. People who won't go away."

Him: "But the bad guys have to go home sometime."

Me: "Sometimes the bad guy is the dad of the family. And he isn't nice to the mom and kids. And they can't go home."

Him: "Like animals? How the daddy tiger or bear would hurt the cubs?"

Me: "Yes. Exactly like animals."

Sinister Netflix plot uncovered

I find it amusing that so many people are upset about Netflix raising their prices. Guess what? You don't have to pay them anything. You could turn off your computer or TV and read a book, go for a walk, hey, maybe talk to those people who live in your house! Did you know you're related? Instant media gratification isn't a right, but apparently whining about how you have to pay a few bucks a month more is.

But we have decided to stop getting the DVDs mailed to our house. We don't watch them very quickly anyway. Husband and I are not very careful about arranging our queue. So when he has a minute, he puts five or six movies he wanted to see and then I put on a handful of my own. What I find ironic is that we made this decision the day after watching the last in a string of his blow-things-up movies. So we'll cancel our subscription before we get to watch Phantom of the Opera, Cats, and the six-hour-long BBC Pride and Prejudice.

Can't be a coincidence.

Cloning

It is always kind of freaky to hear my kids repeat my exact words and my exact tone of voice. Do I really sound like that? On the other hand, at least I know they are listening sometimes - even if it isn't always at my best moments.

It is especially startling to hear my daughter do it. She just sounds so much like me.

The kids were doing homework while I was making dinner. Five-year-old asked for a drink, and then asked again and again when I didn't stop what I was doing to give it to him. Lil' girl puts down her crayons, leans across the table to get right in his face and says: "Did you hear mommy? She said just. a. minute. You need to wait!"

And then there was here endless jabbering to Daddy while he was putting on his shoes to go to work. "Daddy. . . .Daddy. . . .DADDY! I'm asking you a question!"

She wanders around the house with her baby doll on her hip and toy phone stuck to her ear. All I can think is: "Oh look. It's me."

And then she comes up with some stuff completely out of nowhere. Flipping through the pages of a book while I change her sister's diaper. . . "Mommy, you know what butterflies have? Know what kind of heads? Eeeevil heads. Butterflies have eeeevil heads. And wings. Butterflies have eeevil wings. Eeevil heads and eeeevil wings."

Clever Girl

(At our house this isn't a compliment. It is an ominous, foreshadowing statement, implying someone's impending doom. Mine.)

It seems to be a perfect storm. Maybe my girls are especially clever, maybe it is because they are girls, maybe I'm paying less attention to every single developmental milestone, maybe I'm getting better at understanding what babies want, maybe I'm just a better parent (yeah, that's likely) but somehow I find myself surprised/frightened by how quickly my two girls are communicating and learning.

No, seriously. I'm kind of freaking out here.

They started out so cute. And we were all excited about what we created.

Now, they are taking over.

The baby can get the plastic baby-proof covers off the electrical sockets. I've taped them, but it won't be long until she gets that off too. Nine months old and she has mastered duct tape, one of mankind's greatest inventions.

The two-year-old recently got out my nook, turned it on, got on the Barnes and Noble store website and was at the confirmation stage of buying a Dora book. All in the time it took me to go to the bathroom (and I'm getting to be a ninja of quickness at that, ya'll).

It isn't that I don't want my kids to be smart. And probably the boys were this way as well but I'm blocking the details of that time of my life out of my memory as part of my PTC disorder (Post Traumatic Childrearing).

It is just so demoralizing to be outsmarted by a two-year-old on a daily basis. Mommy isn't winning.

I do try and hide from them on occasion.

But they know how to open doors.