Typical

It probably isn't very flattering to keep track of all the times my son gets in trouble at school, but I do. He's been in kindergarten for what, like six weeks now? He really is a good kid - sweet, lovable, friendly AND he informed me proudly the other day, has only had two official reprimands so far.

The reasons he got in trouble were just so HIM. They illustrate his personality perfectly.

#1 - Trying to impress a girl. "I was pretending to do a magic trick for Emily, but she wasn't at my table and couldn't hear me. I was saying "POOF!" But my teacher thought I was saying potty words."

#2 - Making fun of the way his teacher runs. "I wasn't really. I was just going like this. . ." what follows was a hilarious and scarily accurate demonstration.

When the lights go out

I've learned that nothing good that ever comes out of a child's mouth after you send him to bed. NOTHING. Something about sitting quietly, probably for the first time all day, that reminds my children of all kinds of things they absolutely must tell mommy right away. But for some reason, it is never something I want to hear - and not just because this is the first second I've had alone all day and you are ruining it, kid!

Let me set the stage. It has been a long day. You have finally managed to find everyone pj's that they are willing to sleep in (NO! I don't want Mario tonight!) Teeth are brushed, prayers are said, stories are read. The lights are dim and it has been peaceful and quiet, going on three minutes now. This is a ploy. Under no circumstances should you believe that you are actually going to have any time to yourself. Do not relax. At exactly 3 minutes and 45 seconds after lights out one of your children will be screaming for you, because they have to tell you something very important. They will scream until you come to the doorway of their room and you will hear:

Most of the time it is routine: "I need a drink." "I'm not sleepy." ect. which I've come to expect and then there are the other ones:

Naturally, there are a lot of "I'm sick." and assorted bodily functions, which I'll spare you.

Of course, the previously posted: "There is a spider in my room."

"I forgot to tell you; last week I kicked a girl in my class in the mouth and made her tooth loose."

"I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm allergic to chalk."

"The baby is awake now."

"I hurt my neck. I DON'T want you to kiss it!"

"I'm afraid of the visions. Of green monsters."

"I need ______(something important and not found in your home) for school tomorrow."

"I peed in your bed."

Kitchen Prayer

Lord of all pots and pans and things,

since I’ve not time to be a saint

by doing lovely things or watching late with thee

or dreaming in the dawn light

or storming heaven’s gates, make me a saint

by getting meals and washing up the plates.

Although I must have Martha’s hands,

I have a Mary mind and when I black the boots

and shoes, Thy sandals, Lord, I find.

I think of how they trod the earth,

what time I scrub the floor.

Accept this meditation Lord,

I haven’t time for more.

Warm all the kitchen with Thy love,

and light it with thy peace.

Forgive me all my worrying

and make my grumbling cease.

Thou who didst so love to give men food,

in room or by the sea, accept this service that I do,

I do it unto Thee

Klara Munkres

Its Apparent you're a Parent

I put the boys to bed and am feeding the baby, hoping she will fall asleep.

Boy: "Mom there is a spider in our room."

So I grab the closest hard thing, which happens to be a crayon box, and come to the rescue - trying to keep the baby reclined so that she will stay relaxed. It takes a few tries before it stops trying to crawl away. All the while my son is yelling "That's MY crayon box!"

I go to the bathroom for tissue to pick up the spider and step in something wet and warm in front of the toilet. Without blinking, I wipe my foot on a towel - also on the floor - as I walk past.

I pick up the spider, my son says "Mom, put it in the toilet - but don't flush. I want to pee on it next time."

Me: "Fine"

I dispose of the spider and sit down to rock the baby again.

The other boy comes in: "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom, but JJ doesn't want me to flush. Can I go and NOT flush so that we can both pee on the spider?"

Me: "Fine."

Him from the bathroom: "I think it's still alive!"

Him, still from the bathroom: "Look! Another one!"

Me: "Take care of it."

Him: "Aaaaahhhh! I think it bit me."

Me, now in the bathroom with the baby on my hip. "Why did you try to pick it up with your hand?"

I grab some toilet paper and demonstrate the proper spider squishing/picking up technique and throw the spider in the toilet next to the other one. His hand shows no sign of a bite so I tell him to put his pants on, because for some reason, they had to come all the way off in order to aim properly at the spider.

He goes to bed and I sit down to rock the baby again.

His brother comes back in: "Mom, my tummy really hurts. I think I'm going to throw up."

Me: "Go pee on the spider, that might make you feel better."

Big Brother

The biggest brother made a special note for his sister. She can't actually read it, but loved it anyway.

And so did I.