Its Apparent you're a Parent

I put the boys to bed and am feeding the baby, hoping she will fall asleep.

Boy: "Mom there is a spider in our room."

So I grab the closest hard thing, which happens to be a crayon box, and come to the rescue - trying to keep the baby reclined so that she will stay relaxed. It takes a few tries before it stops trying to crawl away. All the while my son is yelling "That's MY crayon box!"

I go to the bathroom for tissue to pick up the spider and step in something wet and warm in front of the toilet. Without blinking, I wipe my foot on a towel - also on the floor - as I walk past.

I pick up the spider, my son says "Mom, put it in the toilet - but don't flush. I want to pee on it next time."

Me: "Fine"

I dispose of the spider and sit down to rock the baby again.

The other boy comes in: "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom, but JJ doesn't want me to flush. Can I go and NOT flush so that we can both pee on the spider?"

Me: "Fine."

Him from the bathroom: "I think it's still alive!"

Him, still from the bathroom: "Look! Another one!"

Me: "Take care of it."

Him: "Aaaaahhhh! I think it bit me."

Me, now in the bathroom with the baby on my hip. "Why did you try to pick it up with your hand?"

I grab some toilet paper and demonstrate the proper spider squishing/picking up technique and throw the spider in the toilet next to the other one. His hand shows no sign of a bite so I tell him to put his pants on, because for some reason, they had to come all the way off in order to aim properly at the spider.

He goes to bed and I sit down to rock the baby again.

His brother comes back in: "Mom, my tummy really hurts. I think I'm going to throw up."

Me: "Go pee on the spider, that might make you feel better."