Making up new terms

This post originally started out as an email to my father-in-law, but after talking to him a couple of weeks ago, I decided to make it public.

The other day my son asked why I called Grandpa Stevens "Dad." He knows that I didn't grow up in their house, so I tried to explain what being a father-in-law means, being a family "in the eyes of the law." And it occurred to me how cumbersome and inaccurate a distinction that is. At least in our case.

I think it would be more appropriate to call them my "in-practices." My mother and father-in-law treat me like I am their daughter. He isn't just my "father-in-law" he is my "father-in-practice." And I count my mother-in-law as one of my best friends - the relationship isn't described well enough as "mother-in-law" maybe "mother-in-spirit." That doesn't seem right either. . . . I need a new term to describe them.

So here are my in-facts. They are awesome.

Long before I got married I made a list of qualities I wanted in a husband; things I couldn't live without. It was almost a map of what I wanted my life to be like. I wasn't too specific, just things that were fundamentally important to me. After I met John, and before we started getting serious, I had to revise my list.

I loved the way I felt when I was with him, and I loved the way he treated me. I hadn't dated (too many) jerks, but he treated me better than anyone ever had. He acted like he was the luckiest guy in the world just being next to me. He never had to say it out loud, everything he did made me feel important. And this was before we were serious about each other. It got better.

I know that he got that from his father. John and his mom and his sister all told me on separate occasions about how his dad has always made sure that everyone around knows how much he loves his wife. I have noticed it myself. And I see my husband repeating it with me. I love my husband too much to even begin to describe how this makes me feel - words just don't cut it. Watching my husband and his father made me want to have boys, lots of boys just like him. I hope more than anything that they will learn to love this way, with obvious abandon.

So I would like to say thank you to my father-in-law.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for giving me the most amazing gift anyone has ever received - your son. He is the source of the greatest joy in my life. I didn't realize how wonderful life could be until I married John. No one ever told me that marriage could be so much fun. And he treats me so well. I don't know anyone except your wife whose husband is as thoughtful. He is perfect for me, and I can never repay you for raising him to be the man that he is.

Also, this is why his occasional faux pas are so funny to me. He could never in a million years deliberately insult me, and he has helped me to know this so deeply that I could never take offense. It is just not possible for him to mean to hurt me in any way. So much so that a few years back he was giving me a blessing, and he felt inspired to tell me something he didn't think I would like to hear. So we sat in silence for several minutes while he mentally argued with God about what he should say in the blessing. The man would argue with Deity to spare my feelings. I love him so much.

Thank you for sharing him with me. I hope that one day we can do the same for our sons' wives.

Love,

Lindsay

(your daughter-in-fact)