Things I can't complain about in public

So I'm going to complain about them on my blog where anyone and their dog can access it!

(Albeit a pretty talented dog.)

A couple of fun things about being me and being pregnant.

All the weight I gain in the first four months goes straight to my chest. It is painful and my shirts don't fit right WAY before my pants are too small. It gets in the way and I am constantly being elbowed by children as they climb onto my lap. Even my more modest shirts look. . . like I'm applying for a job at Hooters.

I have a very long torso, I carry really low, and apparently my uterus is tipped back. So I always measure really small, but the babies are always squarely in the normal range (7lbs and some change). This means that I will never LOOK as pregnant as you, but my hips hurt like crazy and my insides are even more squished because the baby doesn't poke out. Husband says I start walking funny at about 3 weeks along. I waddle like nobody's business, but you can't tell why. And randomly, one hip or the other will freeze up like it is going to pop out of socket. I still feel huge, and I usually gain about 50lbs, but nobody believes I'm pregnant until I'm about 6 months along.

My eyes are really dry, so I can't wear my contacts. I dislike the way my glasses look no matter how cute they looked at the store. And I can't wear makeup because my eyelashes are so long that mascara gets all over them - so I don't even bother.

So, to sum up: my chest is too big, my waist is too small and my eyelashes are too long.

SEE! This is why I'm not telling you this to your face, you're rolling your eyes right now!

I don't get any sympathy.

But I'm really not asking for any. I'm just saying. . . well, I'm uncomfortable right now.

Even if you can't tell.