Exploiting Children for Fun and Profit

Big news - my oldest two children are starting to understand money. It's FANTASTIC.

Before, when they received any money as a gift we would stick it in their piggy banks and that would pretty much be the end of it. It was fun for them to play with and carry around, but they didn't really understand what it was for.

Now though, they are starting to make the connection that $1.00 is actually equal to one Hot Wheels car, and $10.00 can get you a pretty decent Lego set. And, because it is your money you can spend it whenever you want and you don't have to wait for a special occasion for new toys.

I lament this transition only slightly. Yes, it means that the boys are that one step closer to being men, and I can't really say that I'm anxious for them to grow up, but this couldn't have come at a better time for us. You see, lately I've been having this problem (a recurring issue I'm afraid) that I really don't know what to do about my children's behavior. They are fantastic children, well behaved and adorable, but they are growing into this middle childhood stage where their interactions with each other and other children are more complex and much more prone to annoying but not overly destructive behaviors like arguing, teasing, tattling and pouting.

For us, the toddler years were our time to teach them how to control their bodies. And loosing control of yourself carries the strictest penalties available around here - sitting by yourself in the kitchen or your bedroom until you've calmed down. By loosing control I mean hitting, kicking (yes, I admit, choking) or in any way hurting anyone else. It is NEVER acceptable in our family to hurt another person, no matter how angry/hurt/upset/right you are. But because this was such a big deal for us, we've pretty much covered it with our oldest two. They still have occasional lapses, but they usually just need a "reminder" time out and not a "punishment." By the way, I've found that the words I use to explain the discipline I'm using makes a HUGE difference in how it is received. Every parenting manual should have a section on marketing, but I digress.

So at the exact time that our worst punishment (removal of attention and stimulus) is loosing it's potency - because, let's face it, sending you to your room isn't that big of a deal once you are not a toddler anymore - my boys have come up with new behaviors that need to be discouraged.

Part of my problem is that the bickering and whining are not so bad. Annoying? yes. But not anything to fly of the handle about. So I need a lesser punishment anyway. Then suddenly - TA-DA - I can fine them for being rude. Talking back to your mother now carries a $0.50 penalty at our house - every time. And boy, does that make them pay attention. (ha ha, get it? pay attention?)

The very best part about the entire situation is that I now have a new way to reward good behavior. I am forever looking for novel ways to reward my children because I've found that positive attention works WAY better at molding behavior than anything else.

So we don't give them an allowance, but they can earn money by doing extra chores around the house. They have some chores that they have to do just because they live here. We divide everything pretty much by ownership: you are in charge of your toys, clothes, bed and dishes. Communal things, say vacuuming the stairs, are extra.

Since the advent of this new system my house is cleaner than it has been in months. It is great, and they actually ask me what chores they can do, music to a mother's ears. All this cleaning is rubbing off on the little sister. She sees them picking up and wants to help. And I don't even have to shell out any money for her, she works for applause. "Yea! You put a shoe away! Can you pick up another shoe? Where does it go? Yea! You got it!" She gets a huge grin on her face while I sit on the couch and watch her clean up my living room. Honestly, try this at home.

And a final note: When my mother learned that the boys had certain toys in mind that they are saving up for (see - they are learning all kinds of things) she got out her coin jar and gave them each a dollar. That is the difference between Mom and Grandma: Mom gives you fifty cents for mopping the floor, Grandma gives you a dollar for walking in the door.