Parenting Advice

Saw this pose on Pinterest.
Can we re-create it?

My parenting philosophy is this: as a parent I should read/learn everything I can about child development, child psychology, personality types, love languages and all the things that can help me  understand who my children are and what kind of behavior is appropriate for their age. And after that I do whatever works best for our family. I love hearing different strategies and ideas for dealing with specific problems, but I always filter them through this lens of what I can do and what our whole family needs. Sometimes I'm sure there are things that I could do that would really benefit one child, but if I can't do that without damaging myself or my relationship with my husband or my time with the other children it isn't going to happen, because I have to consider the needs of the whole family and everyone in it. 

nope

To this end I spend a lot of time reading books and magazines about child-rearing. (Side note: never trust a source that is not based in science. There is so much research being done and made available that I'm very skeptical about any source that doesn't even bother to address it. Especially books written from a religious perspective. All my studies have led me to understand that science and religion can and should support each other. Also, be very wary of other people's opinions on the internet. Just because someone is interested in it and can type about it does not mean that they actually know what they are talking about. Including me- ESPECIALLY me.)

Still nope

Since I love reading what has worked for other people, I've been thinking of writing some blog posts about what has worked for us. But here is my worry; I would hate for anyone to read what I have written and then be self-conscious about their own parenting. You have to do what is best for you and your family. And any advice I happen to give here is of the try-it-if-it-helps variety.

Also, I am not judging anyone's parenting. I don't watch other parents and think about what a horrible job they are doing. Unless you are abusing your child - in which case, yes, you are a horrible parent and should get help immediately. I do sometimes notice when parents are doing things different than I would do them, but at most I think that they are making their own lives harder. Kids are really resilient and will figure out a way to handle being raised by imperfect people (Thank goodness!)

Ok, now there is crying.
Everybody stop.

Most parenting mistakes only result in more work for the parent, and not in long-term damage to the child. That parent responding to the child's tantrum with giving in or a tantrum of his or her own? Just gave the kid power and he will do it again the next time he wants to be in control. But will it stop him from graduating from High School or getting a job? Probably not. It just makes his growing up years harder on his parents.

So please don't ever feel after reading my blog that I am judging you. You have to do whatever works for your family. And I think that anyone who is trying to be a good parent is on the right track. I just like to assume that everyone is doing the best they can in their own moment. But if you are stuck on something and need a couple of ideas of things to try, I'm hopeful that I can help about that.

My hardest times as a parent have been when I am out of ideas. I would rather have 10 ideas and only have to use five of them than have three ideas that didn't work and I'm stuck with a screaming child and no plan of how to react.

image credit, David and Kelly Sopp "Safe Baby Handling Tips"find it here

I do have many years of experience. I was a teacher before I was a parent, and a babysitter before I was a teacher. (My lifetime total of diaper changes is astronomically high) And most of the time, I'm pretty good at what I do. But God knows what he is doing. If He had wanted me to raise your child, He could have sent that child to me. But He didn't. He sent your children to you because they need you and you need them. They need your best efforts, and they also need your mistakes. And they want YOU, they love YOU.

So if reading about what we do is helpful, great. If not, please don't waste any energy worrying about it. Just move on to something that does help.