An open letter to a dear friend

(Author's note. This is a serious post. I was trying to be serious. But it came out geeky (and Sirius))

Oh, my Friend,

It is always a pleasure to talk to you, and I'm so glad we have had the past several years to get to know each other. After our last handful of conversations, my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. If it were in my power I would wave my magic wand and fix everything for you (curse my muggle blood!)

I do understand what it is like to have a crisis of faith. I know what it is to be plagued by doubts and to lose sleep wrestling with thoughts that can't always fit in your head all at once. It is not a comfortable place to be - trying to understand how you can believe two things at the same time that seem to contradict each other. Your phrase "cognitive dissonance" is perfectly descriptive. It would be nice if you had a pensive, to take out your thoughts and look at them again from a different perspective.


I'm not you. So I can't say that I know exactly what you are going through. But I can tell you that I have an inkling. You are not weird or even slightly unusual. There are more of us out there than you think. We tend not to talk about it much. But here is where I am now.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know, its a mouthful. I prefer LDS for convince. Around here lots of people call it "The Church" for short, usually without realizing how egotistical it sounds. A lot of people call us Mormons. But I don't call myself Mormon. To me, Mormon is a culture; an upper-middle-class-suburban-white-conservative-Republican group think that makes me very uncomfortable. I'm lucky, because even though I was raised in that culture, it was always very clear to me that there is a difference between the actual doctrine taught by the LDS Church and the way people interpret it to support what they want so that they don't have to think outside the box. I love the doctrine - I tolerate the culture. Sometimes only barely.

My place in this church is hard won. I was baptized by my father at the age of 8, and I've seen close up a lot of beautiful Christian service and a lot of really awful things too. Which is to say that my church, like the rest of the world, seems to be full of human beings. I never felt pressured to go to church, I never worried that my family and friends would stop loving me if I gave it up. I choose to continue attending this church knowing full well what I was getting myself into. At eighteen I sat up many nights honestly evaluating myself and my life and deciding what role religion would play in my future. I choose to be LDS, just as surely as any adult who runs into our missionaries and decides to join. And I've spent a lot of time re-evaluating that choice over the years. For me, going to church is always a deliberate act of Christianity, and not something I do out of routine.

You're not wrong, my friend. You are not wrong when you ask questions and point out inconsistencies. I wish there were some sermon, some scripture that would make everything fall into place. That would sort everything out that doesn't make sense. Some things don't make sense. Some things seem contradictory. I don't have the answers.

But if you'll forgive me, I do have some advice.Well, Joss Whedon has some advice, which I am going to steal. "When you can't run, you walk. When you can't walk, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you."



You know I'm far from perfect, and my faith probably can't carry you for long. But I'm offering it for as long as you need. Here is what I know, here is what has sustained me through my rough times. If anything helps, take it and leave the rest.

First, know that you have your very own conscience. You were born with the "light of Christ... that (you) may know good from evil." No one else needs to tell you what is right, you will know it when you feel it. Have the confidence in yourself that you are capable of finding the peace you seek, as long as you are paying attention. Sometimes it is easier and more fun, to ignore what you feel in your heart and just do what will make you forget. (Why do you think people love Netflix with its 15 seconds to decide if you want to think anymore?)

Sometimes I feel that I'm loosing myself in a lot of conflicting messages about who I should be. It is confusing, and never helpful when I'm trying to set my own priorities. I do better when I focus on who I am now. Who I really am, not who I wish I was, or who I pretend to be. "Just be yourself!" Bwahahaha! All those cheesy Jr. High motivational posters coming back to haunt me. But I find that when I fill my days with things that I love; that I love for deep, personal reasons that have nothing to do with how high-class other people will think I am, that is when I feel the most like myself and make the best decisions.



Second, know that you are who God make you to be. You were created with a quick mind and a strong sense of justice. You desire simple truth and compassion and fairness. Those are qualities that God has and that you inherited. These are good things, and it is right that you should use them to evaluate the world around you. You are a child of the Gods and you are expected to use your talents. Even when your talents lead you to ask difficult questions. You are right. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are not a spiritual person because you don't automatically believe everything people tell you to.

And my final bit of advice comes from James Jones, a therapist. I took a parenting class from him years ago. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but after giving us all kinds of ideas and advice he told us that the most important question you always have to answer - no matter what the problem is - is "How do I react in a Christ-like way?" Because in the end, it won't matter what anyone else said or did, it will only matter that I acted like a Christian.

I may not be helping you at all. I just wanted to let you know the things that I find most helpful. And I'm grateful that you trusted me enough to confide in me. And I will love you no matter what. I have faith in you. You can find what you are looking for.

 - Love you!