genius

Sometimes, very rarely, I have a moment of parenting genius.  A moment when I do exactly the right thing and it works perfectly.  It doesn't happen very often, so I have to document and share it.  Last week I had one of those moments.

I was helping my Kindergartner with his homework.  He has a hard time remembering which way his b's and d's face.  This is totally normal, and most teachers and tests don't even count it as a mistake until 1st or 2nd grade.  But he was frustrated and didn't want to have to keep asking me which way a D goes.

We've also been learning the alphabet in sign-language, mostly because I knew it growing up and thought my kids should too.

SO:  If you can't remember which way a D goes and you are writing something, just look at your hand.  Does your hand remember?  (pointer finger pops up) I DO! I DO! And you are making a d with your hand.  He thought it was hilarious and he hasn't had a problem with it since.

p.s. If you have a lefty, just make sure you tell him that his writing hand only remembers the letter B - the letter it learned first - hands have a short memory like that.  OR if you know sign language, (and know that the letter b is different) tell him his writing hand is too busy, and he should ask his other hand, which should be on the desk anyway, holding the paper still.

Luddite

We don't have a TV or any kind of gaming system, so I was surprised to hear from my five-year-old's teacher that he talks about video games every day at school.  Every day.  OK, not surprised really.  Both of their grandmothers have a Wii and the boys LOVE to play.  And they do watch movies or play games on the computer, but it isn't a daily occurrence (except when Mommy is dying of morning sickness - then the computer is our best friend.)  So it was a little embarrasing for his teacher to think that all we do is play Super Mario Brothers, because that is all he talks about.  

But the fact that they are obsessed with video games?  Yeah, I knew that already.

This is the kids and all their stuffed friends playing video games at our house.

This is what they were looking at.  

And it kept them entertained for a good twenty minutes.  

And this is what happens instead of Saturday morning cartoons.  

Little sister stepping on cat heads.  

Not really better if you're going for non-violent/non-slapstick comedy.  

Mostly I'm going for giggles.

self inflicted wounds

Its a sad and kind of embarrassing thing, but most of the time when one of our kids is having some kind of problem, I can trace the it back to myself.  For the first three years ALL of their misbehavior comes from the examples they see, after that they begin to make some of it up on their own, but very little.  It isn't until around school age that they start being able to deliberately misbehave. (Have I warned you about seven-year-olds?)  But even so, I can usually find the source, and it is always a little to close to home.

Like a couple of months back, we were having a problem with Lil' girl sleeping through the night in her own bed.  This hadn't been a problem for a while, but suddenly she was climbing into our bed at all hours of the night because she wanted to cuddle with mommy.  She'd fall back asleep pretty quickly - usually by lying on my face.  But if I tried to send her back to her bed too quickly she would scream and wake up her little sister.  This is a real problem for us.  We can have Sleepy Mommy or we can have Happy Mommy, also known as Nice Mommy, but we can't have both.

I had no idea what to do.  But the longer I thought about it (and prayed about it, always pray about it) I realized what had changed.

She was transitioning out of everyday naps.  I would put her in her bed for quiet and reading time and she was content to read for an hour or fall asleep - either one was fine with me as long as I got a few minutes to do the dishes, or sleep (usually sleep.)  But when it got to the point that she wasn't napping at all anymore, it kept the baby awake.  So I'd let her read books on my bed and I'd lay down by her.  After a few weeks of napping together she started getting into our bed every night.   Ah Ha!  Because sleeping with Mommy in the daytime was so much fun, sleeping with Mommy at night would be fun too.

Also, she was potty training and sleeping more lightly as she was learning how to wake herself up when she needed to use the bathroom.

Solution:  Quiet time on the couch with her books.  After about a week we were back to our regular sleeping routine and life is OK again.

It surprised me that I didn't realize that I had been creating this problem for myself.  But I think that most of my parenting "wounds" are self-inflicted.

Not long after this we were working on another problem.  The baby can talk a little.  She can say several words, and sign several more.  So every time she came to me and held out her arms to be picked up and screamed, I would remind her to talk.  "Say, UP.  UP.  Stop yelling, you can talk."  We were making a little progress - yelling goes down noticeably when talking gets you what you want faster.

Then one morning she woke up around 5am and was just babbling in her crib, happy as could be.  I lay in bed and thought "There is no way I am getting out of bed at 5:00 if she is content to stay in her crib."  She wasn't even being loud enough to wake her sister.  As I drifted back to sleep I realized that she was saying: "up up up up."  I knew that if I don't respond it would go against that whole "talk, don't scream" rule I'd been trying to make.

Whatever. At 5am I am not coming to get you unless you scream.  zzzzzzzzz

Domestic Enemies of the Religious Mom

So I love this blog, rantsfrommommyland.com.  And they've had a series of "Domestic Enemies" posts written by different kinds of moms, talking about the different challenges they face.  I love them all, and it is nice to think about how my life is so different and yet so similar to so many people.  

They don't run those posts anymore, but I wrote one of my own.  Stuff I've been thinking about for a while, especially since it is election season (election year? election every-single-year?).

We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and we are very active in our congregation, so my experience is colored by that, but I think that it is probably the same for a lot of people.  Also, it is pretty impossible to offend me - and I'd love to hear what you think.

Domestic enemies of the religious mom

The meetings – Any mother who has tried to take their child out in public knows that it is daunting.  But I think it is important that they learn how to behave in different settings, so we continue to sit through the service even though nobody is really being edified, uplifted and spiritually filled right now.  We’ll get there.  They are learning, and these are important life skills – how to sit quietly, how to make sure you are not disturbing the people around you and yes, how to listen politely to boring people.  I’d much rather teach them here in church, surrounded by people who are trying to learn about forgiveness, than say, the first time I try to take them to the symphony.

Yeah, we look like
 that all the time.
Except the kids have
their fingers in their noses.

The ladies -  I think every church has its passel of older ladies.  Most of the time it is lovely to have so many extra grandmothers for my children, but they all love to give me advice.  Mostly advice I could do without.  Did you know if I raise my arms above my head while pregnant I’ll wrap the baby’s cord around his neck?  And that it is my own fault if my child is a picky eater? Also, I should be planning ahead more, then I could make sure the children are all the gender I want.  Who knew?

"Please bless Mommy to
stop being such a baby."

The volunteering – I put in a lot of hours volunteering at church. We’re talking A LOT.  And since it is church, I feel morally obligated.  I mean, would I tell God, “No, I’m sorry.  I can’t help with the clothing drive, there is a new episode of Castle up on Hulu?”  OK, I might.  But I would feel really guilty about it.  I hope that my children are learning by my example about how important it is to help others.  Also, they are learning that even mommies sometimes do things they don’t really want to do.  And whine about it.  We are all working on whining together (See?  Added bonus of family togetherness!)

The stereotypes – No, I will not be voting for Mitt Romney, I’m not related to Donny Osmond and I am the only wife my husband will ever have (Unless I die an untimely death, in which case; “Go right ahead and date Honey, but know that I will haunt every one of your love interests until they are afraid to come within 20 feet of you.”)  I understand that you saw an HBO special or watched a reality show.  I saw this movie about Catholics and now I realize that all the priests are actually part of some secret society that killed Da Vinci.  (Oh wait, that was fiction?  Oh good, I’d hate to think Tom Hanks really has that awful haircut.)  It is hard to get accurate information about any group of people and then assume you know the individuals, no matter what the source.   Or you know what would be nice?  You could ask me.

HI! Want to talk about extremely
personal things with complete strangers?

That awkward conversation – The truth is that I love my religion and I love to talk about it.  I don’t mind people who are genuinely curious and want to ask me details.  But I know that religion is a touchy subject, and I don’t want to put people off.  So if I seem hesitant to answer questions, it isn’t that you’ve offended me.  It’s that I’m trying to avoid the religious equivalent of getting out my old granny wallet and showing you the pictures of all my grandkids, when all you wanted to know was if I’m allowed to use birth control.  (Answer:  Yes, we just don’t use it very effectively.)

Hell – As in, I don’t think you are going there.  Like most people  I know, my main focus is on relationships; my relationship with God, my relationship with Husband, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my friends.  I do not lose any sleep worrying about your immortal soul.  I don’t believe any of us has enough information to accurately judge a person’s grocery store purchases, let alone another person’s heart and intentions.  That is way above my pay grade.  If I invite you to church with me it is because I’ve found something that genuinely makes me happy and I’d like to share it with you.

That's what SHE said

Just in case you don't have a dramatic two-year-old girl around your house to listen to.

Daddy offered to let Lil' girl watch a movie on his iPad.  You need to hear the outraged tone of voice to get the whole effect.  Imagine a very upset two-year-old.

Her: "No, Daddy!  That makes me SO MAD!"
Him: "What?  Why?"
Her: "Because it is SO DANGEROUS!"
Him: "Why?"
Her: "Because I can't watch movies on your toy!"
Him: "Why?"
Her: "Because it makes me MAD."
Him: "Why does it make you mad?"
Her: "Because it is SO DANGEROUS!"
Him: "Why is it dangerous?"
Her: "Because it makes me SO MAD!"
Him: "But why does it make you mad?"
Her: "Because it is SO DANGEROUS!"
Him: "Oh no! You are caught in a tautological argument! How are you going to get out?"
Her: "That is SO DANGEROUS! And I am so MAD!"




I handed her a stack of plates and asked her to spread them on the table.  But I didn't count, so she had a few leftover.

Her: "Mom, these ones are for the NOT yucky dinner.  We can put fruit snacks on them."

Welcome to Crazytown

I feel like having five kids has put us over the edge, squarely in the "insane" category, according to most of our neighbors.  It probably has more to do with where we live than anything else.  The houses in our neighborhood are pretty small, so most people who live here move away when they start having kids, or don't plan on having many/any, or they are old and have lost the ability to filter their comments.

Two kids was OK, three was acceptable (but only because the first two were boys, and we must have needed a girl), four was pushing it, but people seemed willing to make allowances for a surprise before we permanently took care of our problem or for us being really eccentric and actually liking children.  Five?  Now that is just plain crazy.  You don't accidentally have five children.  You must have lost your mind.

This is mostly based on reactions from strangers or acquaintances, not people I'm actually close to.  My family and friends are very supportive (or very good at hiding their true feelings).

But I had this hilarious (I thought) conversation at the elementary school the other day as I watched the girls play on the steps waiting for the bell to ring.  The other mom was one I recognized, she has a son in the same class as my oldest.

Her: "Oh! I didn't realize you had TWO little ones.  I've only seen the one."
Me: "Yup."
Her: "Wow.  How close are they?"
Me: "That one is two, this one is one-and-a-half, and one on the way." I gesture to my obvious belly.
Her: "Oh, wow!  So you'll have four?  I can't even imagine."
Me: "Actually. . . five.  I have one in Kindergarten."
Her: "Oh. . . . five. . . I have my hands full with my two.  You must be SO busy."
Me: "They're not bad.  The older ones help a lot."

The expressions on her face every time she realized I had one more child than she'd thought were priceless.

So, yes.  I guess we seem a little crazy to a lot of people.  It's OK.  We aren't really having children to please anyone else.  So go ahead and stare at us as we parade down the street.  I'll pretend it is because you think my children are the most adorable thing you've ever seen, just like I do.

Spring Break

So I know there are a lot of moms who dread having their kids out of school for an extended period of time, but I LOVE it.  In fact, I kind of hate sending them to school at all.  I know that it is the right thing for them and all of us right now, and they love school - so don't tell them that it is a hassle, because my resolve isn't that good.  It wouldn't take much whining/complaining for me to let them stay home.  

I know we probably should have done all kinds of educational, fun, memorable things while we had the extra time, but mostly we just hung around at home.  

Here are a few of my highlights:

• Sleeping in.  I can count on one hand the number of times my oldest has slept past 7 o'clock since he was six-months-old.  Occasionally the younger ones sleep until 8, but not often.  So they didn't actually sleep, but they didn't need me to get them breakfast or find clean school pants, so they went downstairs and read books to each other for an hour.  When I wandered downstairs at 7:45, they were coloring pictures to give to their stuffed cats.  

• Built-in friends.  By the time we finished breakfast on the first day my oldest was sitting on the heater in the kitchen and the second was sitting on the heater in the living room.  Baby Cakes ran back and forth from each room, laughing and waving her arms - SOO excited that the boys were staying home to play with her. She likes them better than she likes me.

Snack time out of kitty dishes.  Have I mentioned all my children are obsessed with cats?  It's bizarre.

• The help.  OH, the help!  Just when I get them trained really well and they are old enough to follow complicated directions, I have to send them away.  Last week I got to shut the door when I went to the bathroom, because the boys can keep a small child entertained; I got all the laundry done, because the boys sorted and carried baskets down to the laundry room for me (this gets increasingly more complicated as the belly gets bigger and the baby can't stand me walking out of the room without her); I got all the games sorted through, because the boys knew where all the pieces went.  AND, the major accomplishment, we re-arranged the bed rooms and the toy room and got the house cleaned.  It was awesome.  

So this week when school started again was sad for us girls who had to stay home without them.  Lil' girl asked for her brothers every day and the baby didn't really start smiling until around 2:30 in the afternoons. (Coincidentally, when we walk over to the school to pick up the boys.)  

p.s.  Part of the awesomeness that was Spring Break is due to my most genius parenting idea yet:  The kids can earn a ticket for 15 minutes of computer time by reading three books to one of their siblings.  So they are forever asking each other if they can read stories, and then inviting the other one to watch while they play computer games.  I have no idea why it is fun to watch someone else play the computer, but my kids love it. They spend most of their time at pbskids.org, coolmath.com, or playing this Portal/Mario mashup that Husband found.