Food Critic

My oldest, explaining to his aunt and uncle why he is hungry at bed time and deserves a snack.

"Sometimes when we have dinner, it isn't enough food, and sometimes it is just gross."

Of course, he has always been difficult to please.

birth control

(Sorry, Sis. It was hilarious)

My brother-in-law and his wife graciously agreed to watch the children for us this week, since John and I had conflicting church assignments.

The baby is VERY attached to being constantly held by me, boy 1 was anticipating school starting the next day, boy 2 was running a fever and has developed a fear of monsters, and lil' girl, well, she's two. It happens.

When I returned home it was to find both of them a little wide eyed and ready to run out the door. "We decided we don't want kids now." They told me.

"You're welcome." I said.

"No, really." they said. "The kids were really hard. They fought with each other and cried because they were hungry and made the baby cry even more."

I tried to be sympathetic, I think the snickers kind of ruined it though.

Welcome to my world. The difference is no-one is going to come and rescue me. I keep waiting for that responsible adult to show up and take over. It hasn't happened yet.

Why I don't wear my engagement ring anymore

My day by things I wiped with a cloth or rag of some kind. In chronological order:

tears, milk, cereal, diaper waste, hands, diaper waste, hands, nose, cupboard, table, floor, chair, cupboard, hands, sink, toilet, hands, face, stomach, legs, blood, face, blood, sink, tears, nose, milk, cupboard, peanut butter, juice, milk, table, rice, spider guts, stove, hands, face, arms, legs, feet, floor, diaper waste, hands, nose, milk, book, diaper waste, hands, (12:00pm) cereal, crackers, milk, spider guts, floor, cupboard, cupboard doors, baseboard, bench, chairs, table, dishes, diaper waste, hands, diaper waste, hands, nose, tears, grass, sand, hands, tears. . . . .

It isn't complete, because honestly, around 2:00 I started loosing track.

In the first half of the week (after I do laundry) I wonder why I have so many towels in the kitchen that I can't even shut the drawer, and the last half of the week I spend looking for something to wipe my hands on. Half the time it is someone's sock that they left on the floor. Ew, but dry.

The return of Ms. Mommy Manners

My kids are adorable - amazingly beautiful - wonderful - awesome - super cute. I'm biased, I know. I really couldn't care less if you agree with me or not. But if you feel the need to tell me about my children's looks, please don't be an idiot about it.

My girls have these really bright blue eyes (it is genetic, but not from me) plus, they like to stare at people. Lately it seems like I can't go anywhere without someone commenting on how cute they are. Thanks, all you random folks. I'm glad they brightened your day. But you are kind of weirding me out now.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets these odd comments, so I'd like to say here, for the record, there is a right way and a wrong way to compliment someone's children. Following are some tips, provided perfectly free - as a public service. (You're welcome)

1) I'm glad you think my kid is adorable, but you know what? Mentioning to me how much you want to kidnap her? Not a compliment. In fact, it's creepy. I don't care who you are DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT. It isn't funny, and it isn't sweet. Please, if you want me to speak to you again, do not talk about abduction and my child in the same sentence. EVER.

2) Swear words. So the cuteness took you by surprise? That's nice. Do you realize what word you just said in front of my two-year-old? Do you know what a two-year-old is? A tape recorder with pig-tails. Pus, now she thinks it is a GOOD thing. Thanks for that.

3) Comparing. Children are small, not stupid. When you tell me right in front of them that you think this one is cuter than that one it is just going to piss me off. Not to mention making them feel bad. I am the only one who is allowed to land my child in therapy thankyouverymuch. Now, please back away.

4) Me. Just don't say anything about my appearance. Do you think I don't know that my hair is a mess, I have no makeup on and there is a stain on my shirt right over my boob? I KNOW. I have a mirror, what I don't have is any time to myself. "You must be tired/busy/have your hands full" all seem like shorthand for: "You look like crap." Thank you, almighty-captain-of-the-obvious. Unless you are offering to watch my kids while I shower and change (and do the laundry so that I actually have a clean shirt to put on) keep your mouth shut.

Bottom line: When giving compliments to anyone it is better to stick to the basics. Any standard deviation of "nice-looking" will do just fine. Trying to be creative just gets everyone in trouble.