Dear World,

As you may be aware, the rapture, as scheduled for this past Saturday in the Old Testament, did not occur. Many of you are under the impression that this is due to a miscalculation on the part of certain members of your society. Please rest assured that this is not the case. The decision to postpone the rapture, was made by the higher-ups after viewing this product and several others like it:

Scantily clad, un-dead, teenage dolls based off the wildly popular "supernatural romance" genre aimed at six to eight-year-old girls? Honestly, people, what were you thinking? After careful consideration, the decision was made to wait until all who have breathed the same air as the purchasers of these dolls are dead, to avoid any kind of contamination. (Obviously, they will not be making it here.)

Another factor in the decision was that no engineers would have been worthy of the rapture had we proceeded on schedule. We are still using dial-up here and would greatly appreciate an upgrade to our heavenly network. Also, Saint Peter really, really wants an iPad. We are hoping that given more time to prepare, someone from Apple would be ready to join us. Or at least a decent hacker.

Please prepare carefully. We really mean it this time.

Regretfully yours,

Gladys

Senior Administrative Assistant to the Committee on Rapture