try, try again

I admit it. I was really worried when my oldest started kindergarten last fall. I panicked. How could I prepare him for being at school ALL DAY? (note - I love all day kindergarten!) He is only five! What if he was bullied? What if he was the bully? What if the work is too hard for him and he quits trying? What if the work is too easy for him and he quits trying? How could I know what he needed in the short hours he was at home? Even though he was beyond ready for school and I felt at peace with our decision, it was still scary.

The thing that eased my mind was family prayer. Every morning we would gather at the door and kneel together. I felt such a calming in my mind and my heart. I knew we were doing the right thing. I knew that even though I couldn't be with him all day, God could. And God would know what to help him with and what to prepare him for. I can not even begin to describe the peace and sweetness of those moments, when we all bowed before our Maker and felt His blessing.

And it worked so well for the first several weeks.

Then it started to get colder, and we had to add getting mittens, hats and boots to our morning routine. Plus, I was getting more and more pregnant; short tempered, tired and sick. I tried to keep the devotional feel of our mornings, but it slipped. Do you have any idea how hard it is to feel the Holy Spirit right after yelling: "What are you doing!? Get your shoes on! Stop touching your sister! Why are your SHOES NOT ON?! NOW KNEEL DOWN We are going to PRAY! STOP TOUCHING YOUR SISTER! Dear Heavenly Father. . . "

The feeling I got in my mind on those mornings was more like Heavenly Father saying: "Yeah, right. Apologize to them before you even try to talk to Me."

So I would. I would tell my kids sorry and then pray and ask God to forgive me for using my angry voice and ask his help in being patient. Some mornings it felt like such a joke.

But we keep trying. And I feel that trying is the most important thing. Sure we fail, but it is worth failing sometimes because when it works it is amazing. Sometimes I fail at being a good Mom, but I'm not about to quit that either. So I guess I'm just saying, to myself and to you my faithful reader (Hi, Mom): KEEP ON KEEP'N ON