Exploiting Children for Fun and Profit

Big news - my oldest two children are starting to understand money. It's FANTASTIC.

Before, when they received any money as a gift we would stick it in their piggy banks and that would pretty much be the end of it. It was fun for them to play with and carry around, but they didn't really understand what it was for.

Now though, they are starting to make the connection that $1.00 is actually equal to one Hot Wheels car, and $10.00 can get you a pretty decent Lego set. And, because it is your money you can spend it whenever you want and you don't have to wait for a special occasion for new toys.

I lament this transition only slightly. Yes, it means that the boys are that one step closer to being men, and I can't really say that I'm anxious for them to grow up, but this couldn't have come at a better time for us. You see, lately I've been having this problem (a recurring issue I'm afraid) that I really don't know what to do about my children's behavior. They are fantastic children, well behaved and adorable, but they are growing into this middle childhood stage where their interactions with each other and other children are more complex and much more prone to annoying but not overly destructive behaviors like arguing, teasing, tattling and pouting.

For us, the toddler years were our time to teach them how to control their bodies. And loosing control of yourself carries the strictest penalties available around here - sitting by yourself in the kitchen or your bedroom until you've calmed down. By loosing control I mean hitting, kicking (yes, I admit, choking) or in any way hurting anyone else. It is NEVER acceptable in our family to hurt another person, no matter how angry/hurt/upset/right you are. But because this was such a big deal for us, we've pretty much covered it with our oldest two. They still have occasional lapses, but they usually just need a "reminder" time out and not a "punishment." By the way, I've found that the words I use to explain the discipline I'm using makes a HUGE difference in how it is received. Every parenting manual should have a section on marketing, but I digress.

So at the exact time that our worst punishment (removal of attention and stimulus) is loosing it's potency - because, let's face it, sending you to your room isn't that big of a deal once you are not a toddler anymore - my boys have come up with new behaviors that need to be discouraged.

Part of my problem is that the bickering and whining are not so bad. Annoying? yes. But not anything to fly of the handle about. So I need a lesser punishment anyway. Then suddenly - TA-DA - I can fine them for being rude. Talking back to your mother now carries a $0.50 penalty at our house - every time. And boy, does that make them pay attention. (ha ha, get it? pay attention?)

The very best part about the entire situation is that I now have a new way to reward good behavior. I am forever looking for novel ways to reward my children because I've found that positive attention works WAY better at molding behavior than anything else.

So we don't give them an allowance, but they can earn money by doing extra chores around the house. They have some chores that they have to do just because they live here. We divide everything pretty much by ownership: you are in charge of your toys, clothes, bed and dishes. Communal things, say vacuuming the stairs, are extra.

Since the advent of this new system my house is cleaner than it has been in months. It is great, and they actually ask me what chores they can do, music to a mother's ears. All this cleaning is rubbing off on the little sister. She sees them picking up and wants to help. And I don't even have to shell out any money for her, she works for applause. "Yea! You put a shoe away! Can you pick up another shoe? Where does it go? Yea! You got it!" She gets a huge grin on her face while I sit on the couch and watch her clean up my living room. Honestly, try this at home.

And a final note: When my mother learned that the boys had certain toys in mind that they are saving up for (see - they are learning all kinds of things) she got out her coin jar and gave them each a dollar. That is the difference between Mom and Grandma: Mom gives you fifty cents for mopping the floor, Grandma gives you a dollar for walking in the door.

Things I can't complain about in public

So I'm going to complain about them on my blog where anyone and their dog can access it!

(Albeit a pretty talented dog.)

A couple of fun things about being me and being pregnant.

All the weight I gain in the first four months goes straight to my chest. It is painful and my shirts don't fit right WAY before my pants are too small. It gets in the way and I am constantly being elbowed by children as they climb onto my lap. Even my more modest shirts look. . . like I'm applying for a job at Hooters.

I have a very long torso, I carry really low, and apparently my uterus is tipped back. So I always measure really small, but the babies are always squarely in the normal range (7lbs and some change). This means that I will never LOOK as pregnant as you, but my hips hurt like crazy and my insides are even more squished because the baby doesn't poke out. Husband says I start walking funny at about 3 weeks along. I waddle like nobody's business, but you can't tell why. And randomly, one hip or the other will freeze up like it is going to pop out of socket. I still feel huge, and I usually gain about 50lbs, but nobody believes I'm pregnant until I'm about 6 months along.

My eyes are really dry, so I can't wear my contacts. I dislike the way my glasses look no matter how cute they looked at the store. And I can't wear makeup because my eyelashes are so long that mascara gets all over them - so I don't even bother.

So, to sum up: my chest is too big, my waist is too small and my eyelashes are too long.

SEE! This is why I'm not telling you this to your face, you're rolling your eyes right now!

I don't get any sympathy.

But I'm really not asking for any. I'm just saying. . . well, I'm uncomfortable right now.

Even if you can't tell.

More car conversations

I love to listen to children talk to each other.

Little brother - Do you think Heavenly Father has slaves?

Big brother - Oh no. Slaves are for bad kings and stuff. Do you know what a slave is? A slave is someone who has to give the king things and do things for him.

Little brother - (hopefully) Like kill people?

Big brother - No. The king does that himself. Or maybe he has his knights to it, they are kind of like slaves.

Little brother - Ok

a few miles later. . .

Big brother - You know who I wish I was? Daddy. Because he is sooo good at Super Mario Brothers.

Little brother - You know who I wish I was? The baby. Because she can break your Legos. I like that.

It is a good thing John was driving, because I was laughing too hard.

Further Explanation

It will probably be even longer between posts than usual for a while. Let me fill you in on what we've been up to.

The same week we found out I was pregnant, John also found out he might be loosing his job. Then maybe he won't be loosing his job, just having his hours cut - or maybe not. It was pretty up in the air for a couple of weeks and things are still a little shaky. That happens when the government pays you to do their projects and then cuts the budget - yea, government contracting!

The upshot of that was that John started applying to school again for his PhD. He wanted a PhD anyway, but we were planning to wait a few years before him starting school again. I was going to get my Master's - going part time while the kids were in school. So in April John will again be a full time student, part time employee, attending the U of U for a degree in Sociology.

The same week we found out that John was accepted into the PhD program, I was asked to be the Young Women's president in our ward. In "Mormon lingo" this means that I am mentor and spiritual teacher to all the young women in our congregation, ages 12 to 18. With a couple of other helpers (counselors) I plan weekly activities, a camp over the summer, teach lessons every Sunday and teach the girls goal setting and pretty much anything else they need me to do. The girls in our ward (congregation) come from pretty rough home lives, so right now they are needing all the support they can get.

Now this is a volunteer position, and I could have said no. However, since I believe that our bishop was inspired by God to ask me it is pretty hard to say no. There are lots of legitimate reasons for turning down a calling, but I didn't feel that "I'm pregnant and sick" was one of them. So I said yes.

That same week John was called to be a counselor in the Bishopric. Again in the Mormon lingo: the Bishop is the leader of our local congregation and the counselors are his assigned helpers. They attend a lot of meetings to help with the running of the ward and conduct Sunday meetings and pretty much whatever else Bishop wants to assign them. It requires a lot of time and energy, but again, we felt that even though it would be a sacrifice, he could do it.

All of these are good things, but they left my head spinning for several weeks. Life has become crazy busy, but I think I'm getting used to it now.

So sorry if you've been feeling neglected, dear reader. You have been. But I'll keep trying.

Explanation

So a bit of a note on the last post.

First of all, I thought it was funny. Not "ha ha" funny, more "ironic" funny because I was being hormonal about the hormones. John laughed. But he laughs at me anyway.

Also, about a week before that I was on the phone with my darling sister-in-law and she asked me if I ever yelled at my kids or lost my patience with them. HA! I had to stop laughing before I could assure her that yes, I do loose it with my kids from time to time (read: pretty much every day). And one of my best friends came by to help me out one day - I mostly laid on the couch while she fed my children and kept them from jumping on me. After she had been here for half an hour she looked at me and said: "Lindsay, you know I love you, but I just LOVE to see your house this messy." So that post was for anyone out there (Adrienne) who thinks my life is somehow full of sunshine and roses all of the time. It is NORMAL to have crappy days. Everyone has them. And, because I tend to hide when I'm in a bad mood - I thought I would share and give some perspective.

AND I wasn't really in the mood to read a lot of sunny congratulations about my pregnancy. I was spending way too much time in the bathroom to be happy about it. But I kind of wanted to tell people about it too.

But now I haven't been sick for several weeks and I have finally made the mental shift from "I'm pregnant" to "I'm going to have a baby." This is a big deal to me because I LOVE babies. LOVE them. I'm super super excited about another adorable baby. (and, yes it is a forgone conclusion that any baby of John's will be adorable) But I don't love being pregnant, so the reality of the baby setting in is exciting.

Plus I'm farther along than I thought I was so- Yippie! A Thanksgiving baby!