Maybe it is just because our children are so close in age, but we get a lot of interesting comments from people. Tactless is a better word for it. For future reference: the appropriate thing to say to anyone who tells you they are pregnant is some variation of "Congratulations." If you know the person well enough, and you sense some ambivalence to that response, you can follow up with ". . . and how do you feel about it?"
Unless the person volunteers the information, birth control methods used and their effectiveness are none of your business. Neither is the quality/quantity of the person's sex life, bank account or family situation.
That isn't to say that some people don't want to talk about these things, just that you should NOT assume that you deserve the intimate details of someone else's life in casual conversation.
On a related note, the correct response to learning a baby's gender is always "Congratulations." Again, you can follow up by asking how the prospective parents feel about this. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hated people saying "Oh good. You got your girl." my last pregnancy. Of course we were excited about having a girl, but that in no way means that we were unhappy with our boys, or that we wouldn't have had more if one of the first two had been "right." It always sounded as if we somehow didn't get it right the first time. Helpful Hint: NEVER - even in the vaguest terms - insult a woman's children. Especially a hormonal, emotional, exhausted, sick woman.
And one last thing; I'm approaching the end of this nine-month-marathon and yes, due dates are approximate. Four weeks or so left. In the abstract, that doesn't seem like very long, but trust me here, I am going to feel every second of every minute of ever hour of every day. Four weeks might as well be four years at this point. Unless you have been calling to check and see how I'm doing every week for the past eight months, now is NOT a good time to start. If I answer the phone, I haven't had the baby. I will call you with this news. If I'm in labor, I'm not going to answer. If I'm not in labor, the question "So, you in labor yet?" will get a response you probably don't want to hear, and I'll have to repent about later. Save us both the trouble.
And if you are in the mood, here are a couple of other posts about what you should and shouldn't say to pregnant women. . . .
I found them hilarious, but you may have to be in the situation to really appreciate it.
5 comments:
no kidding. I hate that people seem relieved when they find out we're having a girl after 2 boys. what's up with that?!?!
Now that we have four here in Texas, the first thing out of EVERYONE'S mouth is "So, are you done yet or are you going to keep going?" I usually try to take it in the spirit that I hope it is intended, genuine curiosity, but it gets old when we are asked that in public by people we don't even know. I gets more awkward when they finish it up with the classic "You guys need a television or something."
Amen. Don't know about the comments about children, since this is our first, but I am continually appalled/shocked at what people say to me. Thanks for the links too - they are making me smile this morning and I need that :)
-Stephanie Kulisch
Well those links cracked me up. I've definitely run into plenty of those comments. I rather enjoy seeing how people try to cover up that they hate our name choices, myself.
Congratulations! Are you in labor? If not I just have to ask you something. Congratulations! Now was V 4.0 on purpose? If so is it because you didn't like the earlier versions? Oh and congratulations!
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