It's a good train. . . you should get on it

It has happened again. I'm a little embarrassed to admit how often this happens, but I find myself at a complete loss over what to do with my children. I want them to behave, but I don' t want to be constantly punishing them. I can't listen to them whine anymore, but me yelling at them isn't any better.

Times like this find me on my knees, begging Heavenly Father for help. They are His kids too, He is still their Father, so I figure we should get some help in raising them. We always do.

This time, the answer came in the form of a memory. My mom used a similar game with me and my siblings when we were little. I call it, "The Train Game." (Cuz I'm just so creative. Don't laugh at my art skills.)

This is a train track. Each boy has a marker pirated from our "Thomas the Tank Engine" board game. Every time they obey me without whining and without my having to ask twice, they move up one space. When they get to a red square, they get to pick a prize out of a bag full of stuff we bought at the dollar store. The spaces get progressively farther apart and at the end they get to choose a slurpie or an ice cream cone. They do not move back for disobeying.

Life is SOO much happier! They are being so nice to each other and me, they are excited to move up and get prizes. It leads to conversations like this:

"Mommy, do you have anything you need me to do?"

"I don't think so."

"Please??"

"Ummm. . .OK. Will you clean up the legos?"

"Yeah! Legos. Alright!"

Bribery? Well, yes. I prefer to call it positive reinforcement. The truth of the matter is that moral behavior is externally motivated for several more years now. My preschoolers don't really have the reasoning skills to do the right thing for the "right" reason yet. It would be silly not to try and influence it while I have the chance.

Mostly it has changed the way I look at things. I'm trying to catch them being obedient, I'm completely ignoring the behavior I don't like and I'm offering more praise in general.

I prayed about it again, a few days after starting the game. I got the distinct impression that I should not be stingy with my prizes. I should make sure that children understand that I WANT to reward them. I should make it very clear that it makes ME happy to give them things.

So, yes. I am paying for their good behavior. We have spent almost three weeks now with almost no tantrums, less whining and fighting. Overall a happier family. And it cost me 18 bucks. Totally worth it.

PS The title of this post is from the movie "The Italian Job." Great movie.