(insert clever title here)

My six-year-old informed me that I don't do the laundry often enough; and that I need to catch up on the mending. Because he has one dirty pair of khaki slacks and one pair of khaki slacks with a hole in them and he NEEDS to wear his khaki slacks to school every. single. day.

Me: "Wear your blue ones. You have three pairs of blue pants."

Him: "No. I have to wear my khaki ones. Do you know why?"

Me: "No, why?"

Him: "So that I can match my new friend, Sara. She is my new friend at school and we play at recess. Do you know why we are friends?"

Me: "No, why?"

Him: "Because one day we were like, totally matching. We wore the same clothes, and bought the same lunch and everything. So now we're friends." (yes he said "like, totally")

He wears a uniform.

And he has two choices at lunch. The odds of matching anyone on any given day are high.

So I'm amused and slightly annoyed at his demanding I finish my chores (YOU try keeping up with five people's laundry, kid). "Ah, youth." I'm smugly thinking to myself, "Someday he will be as sophisticated as I am."

And then suddenly I'm jealous. I wish it was that easy for me to make friends. How often do I wish I knew what to say, knew how to start a conversation with the other moms? Surely we have a lot in common and could be friends? I would like, totally wear the same thing every day if it would help.

So the next time you see me at the park, just come on over and strike up a conversation. I'm sure we could be great friends. I'll be the one in the khaki slacks.

Conspiring against me

BOTH Grandmothers gave my children flashlights for Christmas.

Apparently, they want me to have conversations like this:

Boy 1: "Mom! I can't sleep because JJ keeps turning on his flashlight!"

Me: "JJ do I need to take the flashlight away?"

Boy 2: "No."

Me: "OK. Then you need to leave it off. If you turn it on again tonight I will put it away."

Boy 2: "But what if I really need it? Like I can turn it on if I have to go to the bathroom, right?"

Me: "Fine. You can turn it on if you really need to go to the bathroom."

Boy 2: "And when I need to make shadow puppets?"

Me: "No! No one needs to make shadow puppets! Leave the flashlight off and go to sleep."

Husband pointed out that I shouldn't have let them sleep with the flashlights in the first place. But he was out of town, and by that point I didn't care what they had with them as long as they were quiet and in bed.

Thought for the day

Kids are like potato chips.

They are so yummy it is hard to have just one.

And those women who manage that are a lot skinnier than I am.

Be afraid

Yesterday I put my pants on backwards.

Twice.

Sometimes I think that motherhood has morphed me into something I don't even recognize - some crazy lady walking around with her pants on wrong. And while we're on the subject of politics, (Oh, we're not? Well. . . . . We are now.) I'm not really a Sarah Palin fan. Mostly because I can't really figure out what she is talking about most of the time. But I have a very good idea of what the phrase "Momma Grizzly" means, because I turn into one sometimes (but only on the full moon). I've always loved kids; long before I had my own I was a teacher and a babysitter and worked in day-care and LOVED it. My adoration of other people's children has diminished a bit now - my kids are so much cuter, it isn't their fault. But I still like other kids too.

EXCEPT. . .

Have you ever watched elementary school kids walk? I've seen drunk guys who pay more attention to where they are going, and they weave less. The other day I was picking up my kindergartener from school, and we had to walk through an entire hallway full of these kids to get to him. Naturally, my 20-month-old wanted to walk herself, so I was watching especially carefully to keep her from getting trampled. A small herd of kids were walking toward us, and of course they didn't see us even when we were only a few feet away. I tried to think of ways to keep them from plowing into my daughter. The easiest and quickest option that popped into my mind was to trip them.

And I almost did.

Seriously, I was thisclose to sticking my foot out in front of some little third-grader. Because when it comes to my kids whatever is left of my rational brain goes right out the window.

Thats right folks, the future generation has been entrusted to my hands - which are cold. I'd put them in my pockets, but I can't seem to find them.

Be very afraid.

The many faces of Lil' girl

And, lest you think I'm showing favorites, here is what happens when I say, "Hey boys! Come here. I want to get a picture of all my cute kids."
Trust me, they are adorable too - but only when the camera is put away.

Delicious

I wish I could make Mim shaped cupcakes - then I really could eat her up.

Yum!