Underwater and Seasick

The Book of Mormon tells the story about a man named Jared, his brother and their wives, children and assorted friends; collectively known as the Jaredites. God promised the Jaredites that they would be led to a new land, where they would be able to set up a righteous society and be blessed. But to get there they had to cross an ocean. So God showed them how to build boats.

The ships they built were "tight like a dish" on the top and bottom with only two windows that also shut tightly "like unto a dish." There was no way to steer. The people filed into the ships and shut the windows and the wind blew them across the ocean. Many times they were buried under the waves and swallowed in the depths of the sea. When the waters were calm, they could open a window - and then they would have to shut it again when another storm came to blow them closer to their destination. It was probably miserable, but the storms were what finally got them to their promised land.

I've been thinking of this story a lot lately because I too am on a journey, with heaven as my promised land. Lately I feel like I am not steering my life as much as I'm just hanging on through a storm. I made the decisions that got me into this boat (metaphorically speaking) and it would do me no good to try and get out now. I know the winds are blowing me in the right direction, but right now it feels dark and cold and I need some fresh air - (ole' Jared was seasick a while back and we haven't been able to open the window to air things out).

When the Jaredites were underwater they prayed and sang songs until they were brought back up to the top again. I don't feel much like singing. But I've been praying, and hopefully I'll get back above water soon.

I tell you this not because I need your sympathy or because it will help if you know exactly what I'm feeling - it won't. I'm just hoping that you will give me the benefit of the doubt. Because things are slipping, folks. Lots of things. I'm sorry if I didn't do anything special for your birthday, or didn't return your call. Please overlook the fact that my children need haircuts and no-one wiped off the milk mustaches before school. I am trying (which is to say, I'm failing) to stay on top of things. Right now though, I'm in way over my head.

Church thoughts

Thanks to a broken air conditioner in the chapel it was freezing and my children all wanted to sit very close to me.

With a boy tucked under each arm and little girl on my lap I thought about how sweet it was to have cuddle time with my adorable children. And as they squirmed around trying to get closer and comfortable around the bulge-that-is-baby-number-four I realized that this may be one of the last times I get to cuddle them all at the same time.

Then the Unborn woke up and for some reason objected to being squished and elbowed and started kicking back. Not everyone gets to be jabbed from the inside and outside at the same time by their own progeny. I'm sure it looked sweet from the next row over. I was glad when it was over.